AMIDLANDS ANTHEM?

30-11-2006

Local wordsmith Pete Millington, creator of the excellent Spaghetti Gazetti magazine, reckons its time we all sang from the same hymn sheet. All together now...

On Top of Spaghetti

On top of Spaghetti

all covered in cars

They'd blocked orff me exit

so I drove on too far!

I headed to Bed'uth

and Nuneaton of coss

Then I pulled up in Covers

to see a wench on an ‘oss

I drove on to Soli'ull

to tek in a band

But gort lawst round the airport

so that scuppered me plans

So on into Warwickshire

where the knights of ol' lay

And I stopped off in Stratford

cause I fancied a play

Cross the vales of Eve'shum

as the blossom come down

Then tuned me set into Droitwich

for pomp and circumstancesounds

It's a fair schlep to Worcester

just for sauce on yer chips

But a stroll up the Malvern

will take it back off yer hips

But as I got drunk on cider

in a Ledbury bar

An 'erd of ‘ereford bullocks

med a dent in me car

Onward to Ludlow

as day turned to dark

Went twice round the Wrekin

then decided to park

Woke up in the morning

to an effelump's arse

And the monkeys of Bewdley

‘ad stripped the seals off me glass

So I got on a steam train

up from Kiddie he'd puffed

‘ad a free ride to Bridgnorth

I wasn't half chuffed

There I met a car dealer

an ex Brummie bloke

He sold me an Allegro

said it'll get yer to Stoke

So I arrived at the Potteries

there was an abundance of mugs

But I met a Port Vale wench

who sold us two luvly jugs

Back down past Stafford

and past Lichfield I came

But without ol' Doc Johnson

the place just ain't the same

Into the Black Country

where I heard a loud roar

Wolves at ‘ome to the Baggies

and sum'un ‘ad scored!

By this time in me journey

me rump end was raw

But a nice nurse in Wa'sall

med me saddle less sore

So I'm glad to see Dudley

for a rest and the loo

Some Banks's and scratchins

and a walk round the zoo

Final plod into Sandwell

along the old cut

From Sme'wick to Gas Street

I did the last leg on foot

So I'm ere at the Bull Ring

but no market carts…

Just a ruddy gretspace ship

parked up by St Marts!

So if you drive on spaghetti

all covered in cars

Switch on yer Sat Nav

before yer mota yow start.

(Atchooo!)

Check out more from Pete Millington atwww.bignbostin.com