BLUES DOUG IN THE RIBS

13-01-2007

News that Blues official 2007 diary contains the honours list of another Birmingham club (the one based in Aston) has inflamed local football rivalries. Pete Millington issues a serious plea for calm.

Birmingham City Football Club chiefs now have red faces to go with their blue noses, following a slight gaffe in the club's 2007 diary. Local press reported an ‘own goal' when they sent out diaries listing all the honours and trophies won by the club during it's proud and illustrious history.

It listed the club as seven-time champions of the English top division, as well as European Cup winners in 1982, seven times FA Cup winners, League Cup winners five times and also winners of the European Super Cup.

Quite a trophy cabinet up at St Andrews by all accounts.

But to supporters of local rivals, Aston Villa, this astonishing tally of accomplishments may sound vaguely familiar.

Because it now transpires that the Birmingham City PR machine has somehow managed to mistakenly publish the celebrated roll call of Aston Villa's glorious heritage, as opposed to their own slightly more modest array of “well done for trying” medals and other assorted booby prizes.

Birmingham's top honour was in 1963 when the club won the Football League Cup, although in fairness they have also won the second tier league four times, the third tier once, the greatly esteemed Leyland DAF Cup once and the much treasured Auto Windscreens Shield once.

A club statement said it was an error by the publishers, who had apologized (after they'd sacked the Villa supporting little toe-rag responsible, no doubt?)

The statement said:

"The club is fully aware that an error has been made in the diary on just one page. The publishers have acknowledged and accepted the mistake... and have unreservedly apologised for any embarrassment caused.

"We would also like to make it clear that Birmingham City Football Club has never won the European Cup”

( You don't say!!??!! )

The statement also said that BCFC are surprised the story had been reported on the front page of a local newspaper.

( Well, that would be a fair point if the local newspaper had been the Huddersfield Echo)

As a regular contributor to the Stirrer website, I have in the past let slip that my own loyalties lie with the claret and blue side of the city ( affectionately known as Witton by our friends in Small Heath for whom I have great affection and respect - especially my dear mate Big John the Barmy Bluenose at work who sent me a Christmas card this year with the good wishes “Happy Christmas Villa Scumbag” lovingly inscribed inside) …

It is therefore not my intention to make any comedic gain from this highly embarrassing situation and I would discourage fellow Villa supporters, or supporters from other local clubs with a history, to restrain from spiteful sniggering or insensitive bursts of raucous uncontained laughter.

That would be mean spirited and would not in any ways reflect the prevailing culture of camaraderie and mutual respect which exists between our various sets of local fans.

Neither am I going to repeat the gag about the fire at St Andrews which did not damage the club's cups because firemen prevented it's spread to the canteen, because that would be excruciatingly boring and unoriginal.

However, if I may just quote from the very latest press release from St Andrews:

“Blues supporters attending our next match against Leeds United this weekend may notice some of the exciting new changes being introduced at St Andrews as part of the club's New Year Resolution Package, aimed at building on recent optimism and the renewed feel-good factor.

"With some sadness we therefore say goodbye to our loyal old mascot Beau Brummie, the dog, who is being retired off to Birmingham Dogs Home (where he came from in the first ruddy place) but instead we welcome our new dynamic mascots… Hercules and Bella, who are described as large predatory members of the feline family.

"Fans will also be relieved to learn that our manager Mr Bruce is now not being dismissed, following his latent success in getting us to the top of the Championship in spite of being very upset when he was unfairly lambasted by local radio hacks of the lowly stature of Messrs. Franks and Butler

(sounding suspiciously like a well-known cigarette brand).

"Although from now on, in order to appease some sections of the home crowd, Mr Bruce is being asked to wear a Martin O'Neil look-a-like face mask for all forthcoming matches.

"Furthermore, the BCFC board have invited the club's most famous fan Jasper Carrott, to play the Four Seasons on his classical violin on the pitch prior to the match on Saturday and Prince Harry (the older one already has one of those awful low-life footie-ball teams, we were informed by the Palace Press Office) is being asked to record a rendition of that old Birmingham City standard ‘Keep Right On Up The Old Witton Road' to be relayed over the public address system at half time.

"But in spite of some of these minor changes we have decided that certain basic fundamental things will remain the same so that Blues fans do not become over anxious about what could be perceived by cynical elements as ‘sweeping changes to the true identity of our fine club'.

"Due to over whelming demand from the loyal hard-core of supporters, we will therefore be sticking with the club's traditional kit colours of blue and white…just a slightly lighter shade of blue perhaps...and maybe the odd bit of claret thrown in”.

Following the issue of the above statement, the new Blues chairman, described as an elderly gentleman with glasses and white hair, was seen making a sharp exit via the back door of St Andrews.

Easing himself into the driver's seat of a deep-claret coloured Rolls Royce with a sticker in the rear window with the message “I Hate Yanks”, the said gentleman drove off in the general direction of Sutton Coldfield