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Poet's Corner

UP THE HOSPITAL CHARTS

30-06-2008

Lord Darzi's Next Stage Review of the NHS out today suggests hospital's publish their death rates - news which moves Brendan Hawthorne to verse. Make up your own Alan Freeman "Pick Of The Pops" music.

Here we go with this week’s Artzi Top Ten
looking at the nation’s health’s most common
negative outcomes
Allowing for regional variations this chart is
bought to you in accordance with
our advisors’ Treatment Guidelines
and adjudicated by a junior Health Minister
Here goes!
Bubbling under the ten but hotly tipped are
Cast of Thousands with Stress Fractures
and What We Expect’s
old punk classic Germ-Free Convalescence
Next………………………..
In at ten is Increased Waiting Times
with Hey You! Get Off That Theatre Trolley
At nine is the National Proportion Absurdity E. P.
Fluff Dusting, Figure Eight Out Cleaning Service and
Sometimes We Do Get Into Tight Corners
At eight is The Junior Doctors
with Low Pay, Long Hours, Little Incentive
At seven is The Nurses and their twelve-hour mix
Freedom to Nurse, Right To Care
At six The Part Time Clinicians
with Thursday Morning, Half Past Ten
And into the top five
And at five Ward Closures
with Lack of Financial Support
At four the Super Bureaucratic Hospitals
double A-side Great Reception Area
and Aren’t The Green Plants Lovely?
Into the top three
Too Much Management
with Give A Little Bit and Use More Gel
And hanging around at two are
The Vulnerable People with MRSA
Leaving this outcome still at number one
and is requested for all those people
who can make our hospitals an hygienic
and fit place to receive and care for patients
Where medical professionals can work
unhindered with their specialities
and be rewarded accordingly for their skills
Here’s the Nation’s number one
C-Diff? with …….
Minister! Get Your Priorities Right
featuring Back to Hospital Basics and Common Sense

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