Mick Temple's Blog

QUEEN GORDON

28-06-2008

Gordon Brown celebrated his first anniversary in No 10 by contemplating Labour's catastrophic by-election thrashing in Henley. Never mind. Mick Temple's already got the Prime Mnister's future career mapped out.

Oh dear, it’s that time of the week again. What to talk about? It’s becoming all too easy to kick Gordon Brown (but see below), Cameron’s been pretty quiet, it’s pointless talking about Nick Currant Bun and the Henley by-election result was as predictable as a Presidential run-off in Zimbabwe.

I try to steer clear of the minutiae of Birmingham politics (a serious drawback in attracting readers given the apparent parochialism of The Stirrer’s audience), I’ve told you many times how wonderful Stoke-on-Trent is, and my book on The British Press (which, fear not, will receive considerable and glowing coverage in this column) is not out until September.

So, here’s that standby of second rate commentators everywhere, the use of song titles to pad out a feeble critique of the political scene.

I have discovered that Gordon Brown already has plans for feathering his nest in retirement. He’s planning a tour of Ben Elton’s We Will Rock You - supply your own pun on the title, The Stirrer would censor my suggestion - in which the story of Brown's political career is told through the medium of some of Queen's best-selling singles.

We arrive at the Birmingham Hippodrome. Sadly, the auditorium is half-empty (or is that half-full?). A sense of mild expectation drifts among the stalls. Settle into your seat … try and ignore that attendance at musical theatre in the provinces means you are invariably surrounded by men dressed in strange and restrictive clothing – here, not Freddie Mercury look-alikes but ‘Brownies’ attired in buttoned-up three piece suits, plain-coloured ties and brogues – and prepare for the story of one man’s rise from humble beginnings to great political office … and back again.

Overture
A promising political newcomer emerges to the theme from Flash Gordon – no, get back Ramsey, this is another Scot on the make …

Act One: The Engagement
Gordon meets Tony … You’re My Best Friend (with feeling)
An intimate tête-à-tête at Granita … One Vision
Election night … We Are The Champions

Act Two: The Marriage
The honeymoon period … Bohemian Rhapsody
For ten years of office … The Invisible Man
Gradually … I Want To Break Free
And finally … I Want It All

Act Three: The Divorce
Unelected but unembarrassed … Now I’m Here
Brown’s honeymoon … Don’t Stop Me Now
He should have called that election … Under Pressure
A series of unconvincing media performances … Radio Gaga
The polls bite … It’s A Hard Life

Final Act:
After electoral meltdown, a call to the palace …. Killer Queen
It’s the final countdown – on no, that’s Europe, pity … well, it’s the FINAL CURTAIN … Another One Bites the Dust

And next week, David Cameron’s career set to the oeuvre of the Wombles.

DISCUSS THIS ON THE STIRRER FORUM